All posts by Liz Stincelli

Leadership

Get Rid of the Word ‘Should’!

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should“You would be much happier if you removed the word ‘should’ from your vocabulary. ‘Should’ is denial. You’re saying your expectations deserve to override reality.” —Albert Ellis

Expectations, how many ways do we let ourselves down with our expectations? Goals are one thing; they are an aspiration to achieve a future state. On the other hand, we tend to mislead ourselves with expectations. This is how things ‘should’ be. I ‘should’ have done this. I ‘shouldn’t’ have done that. ‘Should’ is irrelevant. What we have is what is. So, how can we get rid of the word ‘should’ and stop denying what is?

What is real?

When we focus on ‘should’, we risk overlooking what actually is. Things are how they are, regardless of if you think they should be or not. You did what you did, regardless of what you think you should have done. You cannot live in denial of what is real. This is the first step to getting rid of the word ‘should’. The word ‘should’ becomes even worse when you try to insert your ‘should’ into someone else’s reality.

Where are you now?

Where you expected to be is irrelevant. Where are you now? How foolish it is to waste time concentrating our energies on where we expected to be. The only way you can achieve a desired future state is to be honest with yourself about where you really are right now. The word ‘should’ becomes a heavy weight when you try to tell others where they ‘should’ be.

What do you want?

Not what do you want in an expectation way, what do you want in a way that allows you to set actual goals. Goals are actionable, expectations are not. What do you want that you are willing to put in the work for? What can you do so that in the future you won’t find yourself under the dark cloud of ‘should’? Don’t push your wants on others; no one ‘should’ want what you think they should want.

What is the next step?

Now that you acknowledge what is real; where you in fact are; and what you are actually willing to put in the work to achieve, what is the next step? Again, goals are actionable; what action will you take? What is your plan to get yourself from your current state to your desired future state? Start on that journey, one step at a time. Your next step is personal, don’t try to ‘should’ it on others.

Remove the Word ‘Should’ from Your Vocabulary

Is it possible to go through life without regrets? Probably not but, you can sure distance yourself from regret by removing the word ‘should’ from your vocabulary. Get clear on what is real. Focus on where are you now. Define what you want. And, then plan out your next step. Stop deceiving yourself with ‘should’.

 

 

© 2016 Elizabeth Stincelli

 

Liz Stincelli is passionate about recognizing and inspiring the leader in each of us. She is the Founder of Stincelli Advisors where she focuses on helping organizations change attitudes, change communication dynamics, improve collaboration and problem-solving, engage employees, and strengthen organizational culture. Liz holds a Doctor of Management degree with an emphasis on organizational leadership.

Learn more about Liz by visiting her website, stincelliadvisors.com and connect with her on Twitter @infinitestin, Google+, and LinkedIn. You can contact her by email at stincelliadvisors@gmail.com.

 

Leadership

If You’re a Leader, Everyone is Watching

watching“Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.” —Robert Fulghum

Everyone is Watching

Robert Fulghum’s above quote is applicable not only to children, but to employees, colleagues, and competitors. If you are a leader, everyone is watching you. They want to see how you behave, who you are, and what you value.

How you behave

They are watching to see how you behave. Are your actions aligned with your words? Do they know what to expect from you? People want to follow those whose behavior is consistent. If you’re a loose cannon, you will make people nervous. Nervousness never equates to trust and without trust you cannot lead effectively.

Who you are

They are watching to see who you are. Are you the same person out on the floor as you are behind closed doors? Are you the same person in the office as you are in your personal life? People want to follow those who are authentic. If you are a different person to their face than you are behind their back, they will not trust you and they will not follow.

What you value

They are watching to determine what you value. Do your values line up with those you preach to your employees? Are your values the same as theirs? People want to follow those whose values they can respect. If you preach one thing and live another, they will not respect you and you will lose the credibility and trust needed to lead.

Why it Matters

You may not realize it, but what they see matters. What they see will either inspire them to follow you or cause them to turn away from your leadership. As a leader, you set the example; you show them you are either friend or foe; and what they see impacts your ability to influence.

You set the example

As a leader, you set the example. It is not ‘do as I say’, but ‘do as I do’. They are looking to you to set the standard for behavior by your actions. If you are authentic, trustworthy, and supportive, they will also be authentic, trustworthy, and supportive of you and others.

It determines friend or foe

What you say, who you are, and what you value signals to others that you are either friend or foe. If you are a foe, they will be on the defense at all times. They will not trust or follow you. If you are friend, they will give 110% to helping achieve your loftiest goals.

It impacts your influence

What they see impacts your ability to influence and you cannot lead without influence. If your behavior inspires trust, you will have influence. If you are authentic, they will develop the trust in you that you need to influence. If they share your values, they will respect you and you will gain influence. Of course, the opposite is also true, your behavior, lack of authenticity, and less desirable values will have a negative impact on your influence and your leadership.

How will you behave now that you know everyone is watching?

 

© 2016 Elizabeth Stincelli

 

Liz Stincelli is passionate about recognizing and inspiring the leader in each of us. She is the Founder of Stincelli Advisors where she focuses on helping organizations change attitudes, change communication dynamics, improve collaboration and problem-solving, engage employees, and strengthen organizational culture. Liz holds a Doctor of Management degree with an emphasis on organizational leadership.

Learn more about Liz by visiting her website, stincelliadvisors.com and connect with her on Twitter @infinitestin, Google+, and LinkedIn. You can contact her by email at stincelliadvisors@gmail.com.

 

Control, Leadership

Expand Your Circle of Control

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circle2“Focus on what you can control and your circle of control expands.” —Brent Tippets (Principal, VCBO Architecture)

How often do you sit and stew about your current circumstances, frustrated with your lack of progress? I was recently in this situation when I was given the above piece of advice from Brent Tippets. These wise words helped me to change my perspective, and as a result, my approach to my work and my goals. So, how do you expand your circle of control?

What can you control?

As Brent stated in the above quote, you must first start by focusing on the things that are currently in your control. Are you paying attention to the details that ensure you are providing quality deliverables? It is easy to become so complacent with our daily tasks that we start operating on autopilot. Take yourself off autopilot and pay conscious attention to the things you can control.

Look inside yourself

Once you have a clear picture of what you can control, you must look inside yourself and ask, ‘Can I do better?’ Are you focusing your energy in the right places? Are you getting the desired results? Once you answer these questions, you must determine what you can do better that is currently in your control. Take the accountability and initiative to evaluate and improve your own performance in the things you can control.

Care authentically

The final piece of the puzzle is to care authentically about the tasks that are in your control. Why do you do what you do? How does it fit into the big picture? How is what you are doing now contributing to getting you where you want to go? It’s great to have big aspirations; one of most effective ways to get from here to there is to perform the things you can control not because you are paid, not because you fear discipline, but because you truly care about your work and the contributions you are making.

Expand Your Circle

If you want to expand your circle of control, it’s time to change your approach to your work and your goals. When you focus your energy on the things you can control; when you look inside yourself and strive to do better; and when you care authentically about the contributions you are making, your circle of control will expand. You gain pride and confidence in your work; others develop trust and appreciation for your contribution. This combination of confidence and trust will be the vehicle that takes you from where you are now to where you want to go.

What will you do today to change your focus and impact your circle of control?

 

 

© 2016 Elizabeth Stincelli

 

Liz Stincelli is passionate about recognizing and inspiring the leader in each of us. She is the Founder of Stincelli Advisors where she focuses on helping organizations change attitudes, change communication dynamics, improve collaboration and problem-solving, engage employees, and strengthen organizational culture. Liz holds a Doctor of Management degree with an emphasis on organizational leadership.

Learn more about Liz by visiting her website, stincelliadvisors.com and connect with her on Twitter @infinitestin, Google+, and LinkedIn. You can contact her by email at stincelliadvisors@gmail.com.

 

Informal Leadership, Leadership, Position-Less Leader

The Position-Less Leader

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follow-leader“Leadership is something you earn, something you’re chosen for. You can’t come in yelling. ‘I’m your leader!’ If it happens, it’s because the other guys respect you.” —Ben Roethlisberger

We know that the idea that leadership is bestowed upon a few, select individuals is an antiquated notion. It is not a formal position of authority that determines leadership, but the ability to influence others. Every one of us has the potential to be a leader. So, what gives the position-less leader the power to influence others?

Trust

People follow those they trust. A position does not award you the trust required to be a leader. When we gain the trust of others we are able to influence them because they know that we will look out for their best interest. When we become a trusted advisor, we become a position-less leader.

Competence

People follow those who they see as competent. A title does not prove competence. When we work closely with others they start to have confidence in our skills and knowledge; they see the value of our experience. When we become the go-to person to answer questions and solve problems, we become a position-less leader.

Communication

People follow those with whom they develop good, two-way communication. Authority does not necessarily make you a good communicator. When we develop relationships where we share information; listen because we care; and empathize with others, we gain the ability to influence. With this influence, we become a position-less leader.

It’s About Respect

The bottom-line is: it’s all about respect. Leadership is the ability to influence others; it takes trust, proven competence, and two-way communication. These characteristics are not earned by acquiring a position of authority. They are developed through focusing our energy on becoming a positive force in the lives of others. When we earn their respect, we expand our influence, and become position-less leaders.

 

© 2016 Elizabeth Stincelli

 

Liz Stincelli is passionate about recognizing and inspiring the leader in each of us. She is the Founder of Stincelli Advisors where she focuses on helping organizations change attitudes, change communication dynamics, improve collaboration and problem-solving, engage employees, and strengthen organizational culture. Liz holds a Doctor of Management degree with an emphasis on organizational leadership.

Learn more about Liz by visiting her website, stincelliadvisors.com and connect with her on Twitter @infinitestin, Google+, and LinkedIn. You can contact her by email at stincelliadvisors@gmail.com.

 

Leadership, Listening

Can You Hear Them Now?

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hear“None so deaf as those that will not hear. None so blind as those that will not see.” —Matthew Henry

Employees are the life-blood of any organization. Even though many leaders think they are the key to organizational success, it is employees that are the eyes, ears, muscle, and brain that keep things running. When you have the attitude that it is you and not your employees that deserve the credit you tend to stop hearing what they have to say. This is a mistake that can have dire consequences. So, why is it so important to hear your employees?

What do they see?

If you don’t hear them, you will never know what they see. You can’t be everywhere and you can’t see everything. Your employees are your eyes on the floor, at the job site, in client meetings, and in the hallways. They are witness to many things that you really need to be aware of. If you aren’t willing to listen to them you will never know what they see.

What do they hear?

If you don’t hear them, they will never share what they hear. It is impossible for you to pay attention to every sound or every word. Your employees are your ears. They hear the hum of the machinery. They hear conversations between clients and colleagues. They hear the concerns of other employees. If you aren’t willing to listen to them, you will not know a piece of equipment sounds different until it is breaks down. They will not share the information they gained from conversations they have participated in or overheard. You will never know what they hear.

What do they know?

If you don’t hear them, you will never benefit from what they know. Every employee brings with them a unique set of skills, knowledge, and experience. It is the combination of these three factors that make each employee one of a kind. If you are not willing to listen to them, you will never know what knowledge they have to offer.

Are You Willing to Listen?

Your employees have so much to share. If only you could see everything they see. If only you could hear everything they hear. If only you had access to everything they know. Wait, you can and do if only you are willing to listen. Can you hear them now?

 

 

© 2016 Elizabeth Stincelli

 

Liz Stincelli is passionate about recognizing and inspiring the leader in each of us. She is the Founder of Stincelli Advisors where she focuses on helping organizations change attitudes, change communication dynamics, improve collaboration and problem-solving, engage employees, and strengthen organizational culture. Liz holds a Doctor of Management degree with an emphasis on organizational leadership.

Learn more about Liz by visiting her website, stincelliadvisors.com and connect with her on Twitter @infinitestin, Google+, and LinkedIn. You can contact her by email at stincelliadvisors@gmail.com.