Why Do Your Employees Hate You?

September 17, 2015 Liz Stincelli

“A good leader can engage in a debate frankly and thoroughly, knowing that at the end he and the other side must be closer, and thus emerge stronger. You don’t have that idea when you are arrogant, superficial, and uninformed.” —Nelson Mandela

By Elizabeth Stincelli, DM

I am surprised when managers act shocked to find out that their employees don’t like them. You have to remember that the way you think affects your behavior and your behavior determines how your employees react to you. If you don’t pay close attention to your thoughts this can become a vicious cycle. So, why do your employees hate you?

You think your title makes you a leader

I can tell you that one of the biggest factors that causes employees to hate you as their manager is if you think that your title makes you a leader. You don’t become a leader just because you get placed in a management position. Leadership is something that you grow into and earn. Chances are that if you think your title makes you a leader, you also think it entitles you to power. You may have control over rewards or consequences that give you the power to accomplish short-term tasks. This, however, does not equate to long-term power that is earned through respect.

They don’t trust you

If you don’t trust your employees, they won’t trust you. People like people they trust. Animosity is created when your employees’ notice that you think you know more than them, you stop listening to what they have to say, and you are always keeping score. When it appears that you do not trust them, they stop engaging with you even when you ask them questions. They don’t feel like they can be themselves around you. You can’t command trust and respect, you have to give it first and then earn it.

You fail to build relationships

Even if you had strong relationships at some point, when you were promoted you may have become distant and bureaucratic. Your relationships may have become superficial and fake; employees can see right through your facade. After making the move into a management position, it is easy to forget what it’s like to be the low man on the totem pole or working on the front lines. You fail to build relationships on an individual basis where each employee knows that you care about them personally. If you start relying on email as your main form of communication you lose that face-to-face interaction that can be so important to relationship building. You don’t encourage, welcome, ask for, or act on feedback which reinforces the perception that you don’t care what your employees have to say.

You have something to prove

You think that leadership requires you to make sure everyone knows you’re in charge. In fact, it is quite the opposite. If you need to prove that you are in charge, you’re not a leader. You feel you have something to prove, all the time. You’re smarter, stronger, braver, or more powerful; it’s always something. You default to the use of fear and intimidation when you feel you’re not getting the respect you think you deserve. And, you never admit when you are wrong. No one likes a know-it-all. If you are always trying to one-up your employees, chances are they will start to hate you.

You don’t value their contributions

When you think you’re all that, you tend to minimize the contributions of others. When you don’t recognize the value of your employees’ contributions or reward them for a job well done their distaste for you grows. If you don’t recognize their value you will fail to challenge them or engage their creativity. Everyone wants to feel that their contributions are valued and that their efforts are worthwhile.

Turn it Around

So, now you know some of the main reasons your employees might hate you, what can you do to turn it around? Start by recognizing that you become a manager by being promoted or hired into that position, but you become a leader by focusing on the needs of others rather than gaining power for yourself. Show your employees that you trust them and their abilities, communicate openly, and stop keeping score. Remember that you are not a leader if you need to prove that you are in charge. And finally, recognize that every employee adds value. Leadership is influence, and you can’t influence those who hate you. Pay close attention to your thoughts for they will become your behavior. Turn it around.

Liz Stincelli is passionate about recognizing and inspiring the leader in each of us. She is the CEO of Stincelli Advisors where she focuses on helping organizations engage employees and improve organizational culture. Liz holds a Doctor of Management degree with an emphasis on organizational leadership.

Learn more about Liz by visiting her website, stincelliadvisors.com and connect with her on Twitter @infinitestin, Google+, and LinkedIn. You can contact her by email at stincelliadvisors@gmail.com.

Leadership

So, where does YOUR power come from?

September 12, 2015 Liz Stincelli

Influence, Leadership, Power

Where Does Your Power Come From?

September 10, 2015 Liz Stincelli

“Power is like being a lady… if you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.” —Margaret Thatcher

By Elizabeth Stincelli, DM

Sources of Power

Power is the ability to influence the behavior of others, to overcome resistance, and to get people to do things they may not otherwise do. There are two main bases of power: positional power and personal power. You can access these bases through several sources. You can possess positional power as either legitimate, reward, or coercive. Your personal power can be either expert or referent. Each of these forms of power can achieve differing degrees of effectiveness based on the specific situation you are facing.

Just as you use various leadership styles to motivate others and get things done, you are in a better position to influence others if you have access to different sources of power. So, where does your power come from?

Positional power

Positional power is based on your rank within the structure of your organization and is granted to you by someone who is your superior. This form of power is task oriented and focused on giving orders without asking subordinates for their input or ideas. Much of its effectiveness is dependent on your ability to either reward or punish those who work under you. Use of positional power often results in low work satisfaction, lack of commitment, high job stress, high turnover, and even sabotage.

Legitimate power

Legitimate power is a form of positional power that can also be referred to as formal authority. This source of power relies solely on holding a position of responsibility. With legitimate power, you have the right to command others based on your position within the structural hierarchy of the organization.

Reward power

Reward power is a form of positional power that is based on your ability to control tangible benefits such as parking spaces, flexible work schedules, promotions, or bonuses. Reward power operates on the desires of others. When you have the authority to determine who will receive rewards or eliminate unpleasant penalties, you have reward power.

Coercive power

Coercive power is a form of positional power that is based on your ability to punish, discipline, or withhold rewards when subordinates do not act in accordance with commands or requirements. Coercive power operates on other’s fears. When you have the authority to determine and deliver punishment or withhold desired rewards, you have coercive power.

Personal power

Personal power is based on individual qualities. It is not necessarily given by superiors, but instead, by subordinates themselves. This form of power is relationship oriented. Personal power is held by individuals who behave in ways that motivate and inspire others. They create a supportive organizational environment where they recognize and acknowledge the individual needs of others. They are active listeners who encourage two-way communication and focus their energy on helping others grow. Use of personal power usually results in higher motivation and productivity, lower stress levels, and stronger commitment.

Expert power

Expert power is a form of personal power that stems from the unique expertise, specific knowledge, or skill set of an individual. If you possess expert power, you influence others because you have specific qualities and proficiencies that they value. You are the go-to person for advice. You are an expert as solving problems or performing tasks.

Referent power

Referent power is a form of personal power that stems from an individual’s charisma and reputation. It is derived from personal characteristics that result in admiration from others. If you possess referent power, you have the ability to influence others based on your charisma and reputation. People like you and admire your accomplishments. They believe in your causes and see you as a role-model. People trust you and follow you willingly.

Where Does Your Power Come From?

Leadership is influence and power is the tool that gives you the ability to influence the behavior of others. Both positional and personal power can be effective in specific situations. The task oriented nature of positional power is effective at accomplishing short-term, production oriented goals but can have a negative effect on job satisfaction and motivation in the long run. Being relationship oriented, personal power builds a strong culture and increases productivity.

It is important to evaluate and understand your sources of power. Which one will work best based on your current situation and goals? Which one will serve you best in the long-run? By answering these questions, you will become more effective at influencing others.

So, where does YOUR power come from?

Leadership

Why Do I Feel So Overwhelmed?

September 3, 2015 Liz Stincelli

“Time management is an oxymoron. Time is beyond our control, and the clock keeps ticking regardless of how we lead our lives. Priority management is the answer to maximizing the time we have.” —John C. Maxwell

By Elizabeth Stincelli, DM

The Hamster Wheel

I hear over and over again comments along the lines of, “Day in and day out, the hamster wheel turns, and I have gotten nowhere.” I feel this way myself at times and I sit and wonder why I feel so overwhelmed. I sympathize with the frustration, the feeling that there is never enough time in the day.

So many factors play into us becoming overwhelmed: the distractions, the interruptions, the meetings, and constantly changing priorities. And, it never seems to get easier; the more valuable you become, the more the demands that are made on your time.

So, if you want to get off the hamster wheel: first, come to terms and get comfortable with the fact that it is not possible to complete your entire to-do list every day; second, develop these healthy habits that will help you manage your priories.

Start out on the right foot

Develop the habit of getting into the office early to get the day started out on the right foot. Try to get into the office at least one hour before anyone else. This hour is often the only peace you will have all day and you might get more done in that short period than the whole rest of the day. Getting in early can be more productive than working late because after the day has turned to chaos, you end up exhausted with your mind going 100 different directions. First thing in the morning things are calm and you can think straight.

Must-dos

The next habit is identifying the must-dos on your to-do list. Now, everyone says that everything on their to-do list is a must-do. But, what are the absolute must-dos for tomorrow? Keep a running to-do list so that nothing slips through the cracks, but each night, before you leave the office, identify the three must-dos for the next day. A list any longer than three will overwhelm you and will be unrealistic to complete. With a list longer than three, you end your day feeling like you have failed. Get real about your must-dos, get in early, and get them tackled.

Set boundaries

The habit of setting boundaries is imperative if you want to stop feeling so overwhelmed. Get in the habit if setting aside time in 90-minute blocks to focus on your must-dos. Sometimes it is difficult to focus, undisturbed for 90-minutes; but if you learn to really set some boundaries and stick to them you can do it and it will make a world of difference. Whether it’s a closed door or a do not disturb sign, get people to understand that you are unavailable during this 90-minutes every day and that you will get with them as soon as you can.

Meetings are another opportunity to set boundaries. They are our biggest time wasters. While the demand of meetings on your time might not be 100% in your control, do whatever you can to minimize the number of meetings you must attend and help them to run as efficiently as possible. You have to teach people that you will not drop everything for a last minute meeting unless it is a significant matter.

Batch tasks

In our always connected world, distractions and interruptions are priority management killers. We waste so much time bouncing back and forth between emails, voicemails, social media, and the task at hand. Develop the habit of batching tasks such as checking voicemail and emails so that you sit down for 20 minutes and go through them and then don’t check again until you can sit for another 20 minutes. Getting distracted by email or phone calls for a minute here and a minute there eats away at your day quickly.

Delegate

As we take on more and more responsibilities, it becomes important to develop the habit of delegation. Look at your team; find a bright, energetic, ambitious team member who you can engage, mentor, and delegate tasks too. This not only helps clear your plate, it’s a great opportunity for your team members to be challenged and gain experience that will benefit them in the future. Just make sure you don’t delegate so much to one person that they become overwhelmed themselves.

Communicate

And then there is the habit of communication. First, you must get a clear understanding of what your priorities should be from your manager’s point-of-view. You must also clearly communicate the priorities to your team members. You must communicate regularly with your manager, keeping them in the loop. Let them know what you are working on and which team members are working on which projects. Communication becomes even more important if you feel that it is not possible to meet all of the demands that are being placed on you.

Conquer the Overwhelm

And last, but most important, take care of yourself!!!!! You cannot give 100% if you are working 13-14 hours, seven days a week. You have to draw the line somewhere. You will be much more effective in the time you are working if you have time to rest, recover, and restore. Take a few deep breaths, develop some healthy priority management habits, set some boundaries, make time to take care of yourself, and conquer the overwhelm.

Leadership, Success, Women in Business

Let’s Change the Game!

August 31, 2015 Liz Stincelli

Leadership, Success, Women's Leadership

Five Myths that Cause Women to Compete

August 27, 2015 Liz Stincelli 1 Comment

“What works for men does not always work for women, because success and likability are positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women. That’s what the research shows. As a man gets more successful, everyone is rooting for him. As a woman gets more successful, both men and women like her less.” —Sheryl Sandberg

By Elizabeth Stincelli, DM

What are the Myths?

According to the United States Department of Labor, women make up 47% of the workforce. So, with those kinds of numbers, why do so many ambitious, motivated women feel like the workplace is a battlefield? Here are five myths that cause women to compete with, rather than support, each other’s progress.

There’s not room for all of us to succeed

One of the biggest myths we are afraid of is that there is not enough room for all of us to succeed. If this were true, why wouldn’t it apply to men just as much as women? We seem to think that there is ample opportunity for men to succeed, but that the opportunity for women is limited. This couldn’t be further from the truth; there is room and opportunity for all of us to succeed. While we can’t all hold the same position in the same organization, there are an abundance of leadership and entrepreneurial opportunities as well as opportunities to make a valuable contribution or meaningful impact if we keep our eyes and minds open.

To overcome this myth, we must learn that EVERY woman can make a difference. We must work together to overcome the challenges we face in the workplace. We need to change our perception that there are only a few seats at the table for powerful women. It’s up to us to bring about positive change. We need each other’s support; no one should feel like they have to go it alone.

We must compete at a man’s game

Another myth is that we, as women, must compete at a man’s game and on their terms. We now make up 47% of the workforce, why do we feel like we are playing on the competition’s home turf? Most people still seem to feel more comfortable when a man is in charge. As women, we face criticism when they act like a boss. The cards are already stacked against women; so, it’s up to us to change the game.

When we compete with one another, we play right into the man’s game. To overcome this myth, we should be supporting each other in our quest to fill high-power positions. Women are every bit as capable as men to fill leadership roles; we need to stop undermining each other by harshly judging, spreading rumors, and acting like catty, high school teenagers.

It’s survival of the fittest

It is a myth that, in business, only the fittest survive. This promotes an ‘every woman for herself’ mentality. It encourages an attitude of exclusion rather than inclusion. The truth is, when we help each other, we all succeed.

To overcome this myth we must learn to value each other’s passion and contributions. We must create an environment of trust where women can feel safe to share ideas and know they will be taken seriously. Instead of hoarding our wisdom and experience for our own benefit, we need to provide mentorship for other women and create great role models for others to follow. We are stronger when we work together.

If we bring others down it brings us up

One of the most dangerous myths that affects both our personal and professional lives is that if we put others down we will look and feel better about ourselves. This only works in the short-term, over time this behavior actually destroys our own self-esteem and sabotages our chances of success. Putting others down not only negatively affects how you feel about yourself, but also how other people perceive you.

If we are going to overcome this myth, we have to learn to work together instead of against each other. We all have strengths and weaknesses and something of value to contribute. We need to help bring out the best in each other, rather than tear each other down. Your actions speak to your character and your values; consciously focus your behavior on the message you are sending about yourself.

Our emotions are a weakness

One of the main myths we believe is that we must compensate for our emotions by showing that we can be tough and ruthless. But, emotional intelligence and empathy have been proven to be leadership strengths, not weaknesses. Great leaders are passionate and that passion often translates into emotion. But, women are more likely than men to be labeled as emotional versus passionate.

So, how do we overcome this myth? First, stop apologizing for showing your emotions. You allowing yourself to be feminine or emotional is never an excuse for others to treat you as weak, do not permit it. Being courageous enough to be in touch with, and acknowledge, our own emotions allows us to understand and empathize with the emotions of others; this is one of our greatest strengths, not a weakness.

Change the Game

As women, we need to take an active role in overcoming these myths and supporting each other. When we compete against one another we are missing a huge opportunity. When we refuse to let these myths govern our behavior we are operating outside of, what have become, cultural norms; this can cause discomfort. Well, get comfortable being uncomfortable.

We need to capitalize on the collaborative intelligence we have as women. Start building bridges that give all women a hand up. Share opportunities with each other. Be compassionate, inclusive, and generous. We are each responsible for how we choose to behave; choose behaviors that are encouraging and supportive of other women. Let’s change the game.

Confidence, Leadership

Become a Confident Leader

August 20, 2015 Liz Stincelli

“Confidence thrives on honesty, on honor, on the sacredness of obligations, on faithful protection, and on unselfish performance. Without them it cannot live.” —Franklin D. Roosevelt

By Elizabeth Stincelli, DM

Confident Leadership

Confident leadership is not about knowing all the answers, it’s not about being perfect, and it’s definitely not about arrogance. Confidence is that quality that allows us to appreciate our own strengths, create win-win situations, and put our trust in others to be strong where we are weak. So, how can you become a confident leader?

Reflection

Confucius said, “By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third, by experience, which is the bitterest.” Reflection on your own abilities allows you to be real with yourself, to neither underestimate nor overestimate your capabilities. Know your competencies; if you know you are competent you will be confident. Reflect on your successes, but reflect even more on your failures; this is where your greatest lessons will come from. And, recognize the areas where others may have more to offer than you do.

Selflessness

Harry Frankfurt told us, “Recognizing truth requires selflessness. You have to leave yourself out of it so you can find out the way things are in themselves, not the way they look to you or how you feel about them or how you would like them to be.” Confident leaders are selfless and humble. They do not feel the need to belittle or undermine others. They look for ways they can use their abilities to support and lift those around them. Confident leaders listen more than they speak and welcome new ideas. Recognize the way things really are, be selfless, and build solid relationships and lasting connections.

Trust

Lao Tzu believed, “He who does not trust enough will not be trusted.” Confident leaders surround themselves with people who are smarter than them. They build trusting relationships with other competent, confident individuals. They trust their employees to design their own work; they delegate and do not micromanage. Confident leaders recognize the boundaries of their own expertise and trust others to fill in the gaps.

Recognition

Zig Ziglar explained, “Research indicates that employees have three prime needs: interesting work, recognition for doing a good job, and being let in on things that are going on in the company.” Confident leaders do not feel the need to be in the spotlight; they recognize the contributions of others and give credit where it is due. They recognize the importance of celebrating the small victories and let each individual know that they are valued.

Become a Confident Leader

When you become a confident leader you learn to reflect on your own strengths and weaknesses, you become selfless, you trust in the abilities of others, and you recognize the contributions of others. You are not arrogant, you are encouraging and inspirational. You put your best foot forward while encouraging and trusting others to do the same.

Leadership

Make the Investment

August 17, 2015 Liz Stincelli

Leadership

Hot Tips for Biz

August 17, 2015 Liz Stincelli

Collaboration, Communication, Community, Culture, Employee Engagement, Engagement, Leadership, Opportunity, Organizational Culture

Three Ways to Invest in Your Employees that Won’t Cost You a Dime

August 14, 2015 Liz Stincelli

“Transformation in the world happens when people are healed and start investing in other people.” —Michael W. Smith

By Elizabeth Stincelli, DM

Why Invest in Your Employees?

Your time is the most valuable gift you can offer, when you make time to invest in your employees, the work environment in your organization will become a much happier place. Happy employees are more productive and quality conscious which results in higher profits. They have better interactions with both colleagues and customers which results in better experiences on every level and they make better brand ambassadors for your organization. When you invest in providing experiences that instill a sense of pride and accomplishment in each employee, your employees will give 100% to the organization. So, how can you invest in your employees without spending a dime?

Engagement

Chuck Daly said, “There’s nothing like being involved with a team that can go that distance.” One of the best investments you can make in your employees is to engage them in their work tasks, their teams, and the organization as a whole. This engagement gives them a sense of pride and satisfaction in their work. Bring out the best in them by encouraging them to take control over their own work and to identify and find solutions to problems. Listen to what they value and want to accomplish. Don’t micromanage; give your employees the skills and resources they need and then empower them to design how their work gets done. The experience your customers have with your organization is directly linked to how engaged and satisfied your employees are; invest in the engagement of your people.

Opportunity

Bobby Unser believes, “Success is where preparation and opportunity meet.” Providing opportunities to grow, personally and professionally, in the organization is a valuable investment in your employees. When employees grow, your organization grows; when they excel, you excel. Your employees are your most valuable asset, don’t let them feel underutilized. Continually give them the opportunity to gain experience and control their own work tasks. Offer them mentorship opportunities and give them access to training and development resources. Prepare your people to move on to something bigger and better; invest in offering your employees opportunity.

Culture

Ken Robinson tells us, “The role of a creative leader is not to have all the ideas; it’s to create a culture where everyone can have ideas and feel that they’re valued.” Investment in your organizational culture is one of the most important investments you can make. When you develop a culture that inspires a sense of community and truly engages employees, you create a trusting and safe environment for collaboration. This type of culture is all-inclusive, embracing differences and a encouraging the sharing of ideas. It emphasizes the development of relationships and open communication throughout the organization regardless of title or position. A strong culture recognizes the value that every employee contributes to the success of the organization; invest in your culture.

Make the Investment

Bob Parsons advises, “Never stop investing. Never stop improving. Never stop doing something new.” When we think of making an investment, we see dollar signs. But, as leaders, there are many investments in our employees that we can make that won’t cost us a dime. And, the return we will see is immeasurable. Offer your employees engaging work, provide them with opportunities to grow, and create a culture that embraces a sense of community and the development of relationships. Make the investment in your employees and watch the return.

Elizabeth Stincelli is passionate about recognizing and inspiring the leader in each of us. She is the CEO of Stincelli Advisors where she focuses on helping organizations engage employees and improve organizational culture. Elizabeth holds a Doctor of Management degree with an emphasis on organizational leadership.

Learn more about Elizabeth by visiting her website, stincelliadvisors.com and connect with her on Twitter @infinitestin, Google+, and LinkedIn. You can contact her by email at stincelliadvisors@gmail.com.

By Elizabeth Stincelli, DM

You think your title makes you a leader

They don’t trust you

You fail to build relationships

You have something to prove

You don’t value their contributions

Turn it Around

Sources of Power

Positional power

Legitimate power

Reward power

Coercive power

Personal power

Expert power

Referent power

Where Does Your Power Come From?

By Elizabeth Stincelli, DM

The Hamster Wheel

Start out on the right foot

Must-dos

Set boundaries

Batch tasks

Delegate

Communicate

Conquer the Overwhelm

By Elizabeth Stincelli, DM

What are the Myths?

There’s not room for all of us to succeed

We must compete at a man’s game

It’s survival of the fittest

If we bring others down it brings us up

Our emotions are a weakness

Change the Game

By Elizabeth Stincelli, DM

Confident Leadership

Reflection

Selflessness

Trust

Recognition

Become a Confident Leader

By Elizabeth Stincelli, DM

Why Invest in Your Employees?

Engagement

Opportunity

Culture

Make the Investment

Employee Advocate | Leadership Consultant | Author | Speaker