Communication, Leadership, Trust

Six Reasons Why Your Employees Don’t Believe a Word You Say

employees

By Doug Dickerson and Elizabeth Stincelli

“Don’t believe what I say. Believe what I do.” —Carlson Ghosn

Two psychiatrists meet at their 20th college reunion. One is vibrant, while the other looks withered and worried. “So what’s your secret?” the older looking psychiatrist asks. “Listening to other people’s problems every day, all day long, for years on end, has made an old man of me.” “So,” replies the younger looking one, “who listens?”

That humorous story reminds us as leaders of not just the necessity of listening but of the importance of how we communicate. It’s not so much what we say that’s important but that we are leaders who understand why our people should listen to us in the first place.

If your people are tuning you out and not believing what you say then your leadership is on life-support. Knowing the symptoms is the first step in turning things around. If your people don’t believe a word you say then here are six reasons why.

You are self-centered

If you are a self-centered leader your people will not believe you because you are only looking out for yourself. When decisions are made based upon what is best for you –what makes you look good- then you are using your people. Self-centered leadership tends to be manipulative and puts what is best for you above what is best for the team. If you are a self-centered leader you’d better wake up before it’s too late. One day you will look around and you’ll discover that not only are your people not believing you – they are not following you either.

You are inconsistent

Inconsistent actions produce inconsistent results. The flow and continuity of your leadership is essential to your success. If you say one thing and do another then those very actions will lead to mistrust and will marginalize your leadership. Flexibility is a must for any team moving forward. Unexpected things happen and your people will have to learn to go with the flow. But if you are inconsistent in terms of what you communicate or how you treat them it will be impossible for them to move forward or have faith in your leadership.

You don’t have their backs

Nothing will empower your team faster than having the backs of your people. A good leader knows this. But your people will not believe you if your message to them says “I have your back” yet you are nowhere to be found when they need you. When you empower your people and have their backs you create a momentum that can take your team to new levels of success. Don’t squander the drive, motivation, and ingenuity of your people by failing at this one critical element of your leadership. If you have the backs of your people they will have yours.

Your ego is front and center

If, as a leader, your ego is front and center, your employees won’t believe a word you say. Your ego can prevent you from seeing the world as it really is; you begin interpreting reality through your own biased lens. When your ego is front and center you send the message that your opinion is the only one that matters. Soon your employees, tired of hearing about how you know everything, will stop listening to you at all.

You lead with fear

If you lead with fear you will never earn the trust of your employees and they won’t believe a word you say. Fear stimulates the fight or flight response. In this state of mind, there is no higher-level cognitive thinking. When you lead with fear your employees disengage and become more focused on protecting themselves than what you are saying. Your attempt to control your employee’s behavior through fear will result in distrust and will undermine your ability to share your message and vision.

They don’t feel valued

Our success is deeply intertwined with our ability to collaborate. When your employees don’t feel valued they lose interest in continuing to try to contribute to the team. They withdraw and you lose the value of their unique skills and knowledge. Your employees need to have a voice and to have their individual contributions recognized and valued. Communication is a two-way street and when your employees don’t feel valued, you lose their respect which has a negative impact your ability to communicate and influence as a leader. When your employees don’t feel valued they won’t believe a word you say.

The key to leadership is trust and influence. If your people don’t believe a word you say, you have lost your ability to lead. It’s time to evaluate your leadership. Is your leadership self-centered or inconsistent? Do you have your employee’s backs? Is your ego front and center? Are you leading with fear? Do your people feel valued? Answer these questions honestly, make a change, and start leading today.

####

© 2015 Doug Dickerson and Elizabeth Stincelli

Doug Dickerson is an internationally recognized leadership speaker, columnist, and author. For more information about his books and speaking engagements visit Dougdickerson.wordpress.com

Elizabeth Stincelli is passionate about recognizing and inspiring the leader in each of us. She is the CEO of Stincelli Advisors where she focuses on helping organizations engage employees and improve organizational culture. Elizabeth holds a Doctor of Management degree with an emphasis on organizational leadership.

Learn more about Elizabeth by visiting her website, stincelliadvisors.com and connect with her on Twitter @infinitestin, Google+, and LinkedIn. You can contact her by email at stincelliadvisors@gmail.com.

 

Leadership, Leadership Behaviors, Team Building

Five Behaviors that Unite Your Team

ICONS_icon-team

 

 

“Divide and rule, the politician cries; unite and lead, is the watchword of the wise.” —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

By Elizabeth Stincelli, DM

 

Why?

Why is it so important to unite your team? When your team is divided it is every man for himself. Each member has their own agenda and is looking out for their own best interest. When a team is united, true collaboration can take place. Every member is putting their best effort into what is best for the team as a whole. Each member plays an important role in reaching the shared goals of the group. So, what behaviors will help unite your team?

Finding commonality

Barbara Deming said, “The longer we listen to one another – with real attention – the more commonality we will find in all our lives. That is, if we are careful to exchange with one another life stories and not simply opinions.” Everyone wants to feel a sense of belonging, to be part of something bigger than themselves, and to work with others with whom they can relate. By creating a sense of community and belonging you can develop a team identity and begin to unite your team.

Eliminating the us vs. them mentality

Sharon Salzberg believes, “We can learn the art of fierce compassion – redefining strength, deconstructing isolation and renewing a sense of community, practicing letting go of rigid us-vs.-them thinking – while cultivating power and clarity in response to difficult situations.” Unity requires the building of trusting, respectful relationships. An us vs. them mentality undermines your ability to form meaningful relationships throughout your team. Recognize that your team is your #1 asset; every member has something to contribute. Help unite your team by eliminating the us vs. them mentality and by giving credit where it is due, communicating openly, and showing respect for every member.

Recognize that everyone adds value

Michelle Obama explained, “We learned about gratitude and humility – that so many people had a hand in our success, from the teachers who inspired us to the janitors who kept the school clean… and we were taught to value everyone’s contribution and treat everyone with respect.” Everyone wants to know that their contribution is valued. Every member of the team is there for a reason, they have a specific role to play, and they bring with them unique experiences and knowledge. Unite your team by showing them that you recognize the value they bring to the team. Invest in them and provide opportunities for growth. Give them the support, encouragement, and the resources they need to be successful.

Share the success

Michael Ironside tells us, “People who get involved with the success of something have to be given at least some share in that success.” When the team succeeds, everyone on the team succeeds. Create a win-win team environment where individual members benefit as the team progresses. Focus on removing obstacles and helping others grow and succeed. Every day offers the opportunity to take on individual and shared challenges that help us grow and move us one step closer to achieving our goals. Set ambitious goals, unite your team under one vision, and then share and celebrate successes both small and large.

Let leaders emerge naturally

Robin S. Sharma reminded us, “Leadership is not about a title or a designation. It’s about impact, influence, and inspiration. Impact involves getting results, influence is about spreading the passion you have for your work, and you have to inspire team-mates and customers.” Help team members recognize their strengths and weaknesses then find ways to empower them to use their strengths for the benefit of the team. Serve as a coach, at the sidelines, allowing the team to share in the leadership. Allow team members to step up when their strengths fit the current needs of the group. Unite your team by empowering them to stand up for what they believe in, always have their back, and let leaders emerge from among the ranks.

Unite Your Team

Create unity in your team where collaboration, innovation, and continual growth can take place. Develop a supportive environment where the contribution of each member is recognized and valued. Find commonality, eliminate the us vs. them mentality, recognize that everyone adds value, share the success, and let leaders emerge naturally. A successful team is a united team.
© 2015 Elizabeth Stincelli

 

Elizabeth Stincelli is passionate about recognizing and inspiring the leader in each of us. She is the CEO of Stincelli Advisors where she focuses on helping organizations engage employees and improve organizational culture. Elizabeth holds a Doctor of Management degree with an emphasis on organizational leadership.

Learn more about Elizabeth by visiting her website, stincelliadvisors.com and connect with her on Twitter @infinitestin, Google+, and LinkedIn. You can contact her by email at stincelliadvisors@gmail.com.

 

Appreciation, Leadership, Leadership Behaviors

Three Steps to Becoming an Appreciative Leader

thank-you-text“Everyone wants to be appreciated, so if you appreciate someone, don’t keep it a secret.” —Mary Kay Ash

By Elizabeth Stincelli, DM

 

Appreciative Leadership

Everyone wants to feel valued and to know that their contributions make a difference. In a nutshell, that’s what appreciative leadership is all about. It’s about recognizing and acknowledging the value that others bring to the table. It’s about giving them the opportunity to show off what they know and what they can do that brings value to the project, the team, and the organization. It’s about realizing that you do not have all of the answers, that you can’t do it all by yourself. Your success and the success of your organization is dependent on your ability to embrace the strengths of others, to set your ego aside and let them shine, and to show sincere appreciation for specific, individual contributions.

Values other’s strengths

Mattie Stepanek said, “Unity is strength…when there is teamwork and collaboration, wonderful things can be achieved.” While Mattie suggested that unity is strength, I take this one step further. What happens when we bring everyone’s strengths to the table in a unified effort? What incredible things might we accomplish together? To be an appreciative leader, you must let go of your ego; it’s not all about you and what you know, it’s about the entire team and bringing each of their strengths together to achieve shared goals. Value the strengths of others and let them be strong where you are weak.

Gives others the opportunity to shine

Chris Hadfield believes, “Ultimately, leadership is not about glorious crowning acts. It’s about keeping your team focused on a goal and motivated to do their best to achieve it, especially when the stakes are high and the consequences really matter. It is about laying the groundwork for others’ success, and then standing back and letting them shine.” Appreciative leaders bring out the best in others. They invest time and resources in developing their employees and then they get out of the way and let their employees shine. Show your employees that you believe in them and soon they will start believing in themselves.

 Shows specific appreciation

Ralph Marston told us to, “Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return.” Appreciative leaders let others know that they are of value and they give credit where credit is due. Everyone is unique and has something distinctive to offer; they want the opportunity to make a meaningful contribution and then to be recognized and valued on an individual level. While it’s great to hear “thank you”; how much more meaningful is it hear “Thank you, John, for the great job you did on the monthly sales report. Your graphs were amazing. I appreciate all the hard work you put into this project.”?

Start Today

Start being an appreciative leader today. Your appreciation will engage and inspire your employees. It will set a great example of how to value and treat others. This type of leadership focuses on helping others succeed and then showing sincere appreciation for the value they bring to the organization. Your appreciative leadership will build teams that allow individuals to use their strengths for the greater good, give employees opportunities to shine, and will show appreciation that is specific and individualized. When employees feel appreciated, they will appreciate you in return. And, employees who appreciate their leaders are willing to walk through fire for them. Show appreciation, develop loyalty, and succeed as an appreciative leader.

 

© 2015 Elizabeth Stincelli

 

Elizabeth Stincelli is passionate about recognizing and inspiring the leader in each of us. She is the CEO of Stincelli Advisors where she focuses on helping organizations engage employees and improve organizational culture. Elizabeth holds a Doctor of Management degree with an emphasis on organizational leadership.

Learn more about Elizabeth by visiting her website, stincelliadvisors.com and connect with her on Twitter @infinitestin, Google+, and LinkedIn. You can contact her by email at stincelliadvisors@gmail.com.

 

Empowerment, Leadership, Opportunity, Relationships

Developing Talent in Your Organization: Getting More from Your Employees by Giving M.O.R.E.

aditya ram21“We cannot create observers by saying ‘observe’, but by giving them the power and the means for this observation.” —Maria Montessori

By Elizabeth Stincelli, DM

 

Get More

While Maria Montessori was speaking about the education of children, her idea applies just as well to employees and how we develop the talent in our organizations. We want to hire the best and the brightest, we get really excited when we find them, and then they leave. Why? The only way to keep employees with great potential is to give them M.O.R.E.

Have you ever had the experience of pulling into your driveway after leaving the office and realizing that you drove the whole way home on auto pilot? Sometimes I have even found myself driving, going into auto pilot mode, and heading to the office when where I intended to go was Costco. This phenomenon makes me laugh at myself, but it also gets me thinking about engaging our minds in what we are doing when tasks become routine. What might we miss along the way? Will we end up at our intended destination?

So, what happens when our employees’ tasks become routine? If they are not challenged or engaged and their mind goes on auto pilot, what might they miss? What opportunities for improvement are we sacrificing? How long will employees with great potential stay with our organization if they aren’t challenged and offered opportunity?

As a leader, you must learn to recognize the talent in your employees and give them the stage to shine. When you dedicate time and resources to developing the talent in your organization, you turn ordinary employees into extraordinary employees. If you want to get more from your employees, you are going to have to give M.O.R.E.

Motivate

Lee Iacocca emphasized that we should, “Start with good people, lay out the rules, communicate with your employees, motivate them and reward them. If you do these things effectively, you can’t miss.” Your employees possess knowledge, skills, and experience that they want to share with your organization. When you encourage them to make the most of their talents and you invest in them, your employees will become motivated. You must recognize that each employee is unique; they possess different talents and are motivated in different ways. Show that you value their capabilities, help them further develop their talents, and motivate them based on their individual personalities.

Opportunity

Steven Spielberg believes, “The delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image, but giving them the opportunity to create themselves.” You must learn to see the extraordinary potential in each employee and give them the opportunity to reach it. Give them the necessary skills and resources they need and then let them tackle challenges on their own and in their own way. Provide a safe place for them to try, fail, and learn from their mistakes. Give employees the opportunity to become the best versions of themselves; let them learn from one another, design how their own work gets done, and make decisions on their own. Create opportunities for your employees and then help them see that opportunity is available all around them.

Relationships

Joyce Meyer tells us, “We can improve our relationships with others by leaps and bounds if we become encouragers instead of critics.” Build relationships with your employees based on mutual trust and respect. Invest your time and resources into bringing out the best in others; become their coach and loudest cheerleader. Build a strong sense of community where employees feel a sense of belonging and a vested interest in the success of the organization. Communicate openly and share information often so employees know where they stand as individuals, where the team stands, and where the organization stands. When employees know that you care and are looking out for their best interest, you will build strong relationships that foster trust and loyalty.

Empower

Tom Ridge explained, “You have to enable and empower people to make decisions independent of you. As I’ve learned, each person on a team is an extension of your leadership; if they feel empowered by you they will magnify your power to lead.” Engage employees in contributing to problem identification and solving conversations. Encourage them to make decisions and to share their knowledge and experience with others. Give them the tools they need and then empower them to make decisions and take control of their own work.

Give M.O.R.E.

Everyone benefits when employees develop their talents; productivity increases, quality improves, and morale strengthens. When you invest in your employees and provide them with opportunity you will be amazed how your culture, morale, and outcomes improve.

Your investment in the development of your employees is proof that you value them as individuals, that you recognize the contribution they make to the organization, and that you are excited about their potential. As your employees grow, so will the capabilities and success of the organization, and so will you as a leader.

Help employees reach their full potential; retain valuable talent, and improve the adaptability of the organization by giving your employees M.O.R.E.

 

© 2015 Elizabeth Stincelli

 

Elizabeth Stincelli is passionate about recognizing and inspiring the leader in each of us. She is the CEO of Stincelli Advisors where she focuses on helping organizations engage employees and improve organizational culture. Elizabeth holds a Doctor of Management degree with an emphasis on organizational leadership.

Learn more about Elizabeth by visiting her website, stincelliadvisors.com and connect with her on Twitter @infinitestin, Google+, and LinkedIn. You can contact her by email at stincelliadvisors@gmail.com.

 

Leadership, Relationships, Trust

Relationships: Strategy or Trust?

file3141263245090

“Friend, there’s no greater investment in life than in being a people builder. Relationships are more important than our accomplishments.”—Joel Osteen

By Elizabeth Stincelli, DM

 

Why Relationships Matter

Relationships play a role in every area of our lives; every experience, every lesson learned, every accomplishment. Our businesses are built on relationships, our friendships, our communities, and our families are all dependant on our ability to develop strong relationships. Relationships serve as a barometer, telling us if someone is a friend or a foe.

When it comes to your relationships, are they based solely on strategic positioning, or are they built on trust? Are they authentic? Are they rooted in looking out for each other’s best interests, or are you each in it only for yourselves?

Built on strategy?

Ross Perot believes, “Business is not just doing deals; business is having great products, doing great engineering, and providing tremendous service to customers. Finally, business is a cobweb of human relationships.” Are your relationships focused only on the deal? Relationships based solely on strategy are usually one-sided; they are manipulative and unsupportive. Are you focused on what’s in it for you? If you find yourself only doing for others because you expect something in return, you are in a strategic relationship.

Built on trust?

Albert Einstein told us, “Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.” Trusting connection is what brings relationships to life. Are you treating others the way you would like to be treated? Relationships built on trust are open and welcoming. In these types of relationships you are seeking to create win-win situations. Your communications are transparent and honest, and your intentions are clear. If you are each looking out for the best interest of the other, you are in a trusting relationship.

Build Strong Relationships

Strategic relationships are like a game of chess, except no one wins in this game. Mona Sutphen said, “Most good relationships are built on mutual trust and respect.” When you build strong relationships you create shared successes. You feel comfortable in these relationships knowing that your communications are honest, that they are not self-serving, and they are mutually supportive. Relationships are the vehicle with which you gain influence, create situations in which everyone wins, and achieve your goals. Building strong relationships which are based on trust, not strategy, is the key to success in your business, in your community, and in your home.

 

 

© 2015 Elizabeth Stincelli

 

Elizabeth Stincelli is passionate about recognizing and inspiring the leader in each of us. She is the CEO of Stincelli Advisors where she focuses on helping organizations engage employees and improve organizational culture. Elizabeth holds a Doctor of Management degree with an emphasis on organizational leadership.

Learn more about Elizabeth by visiting her website, stincelliadvisors.com and connect with her on Twitter @infinitestin, Google+, and LinkedIn. You can contact her by email at stincelliadvisors@gmail.com.

 

Employee Advocate | Leadership Consultant | Author | Speaker